In the Spring of 2016 I learned that my mom’s colon cancer had returned after 14 years in remission. My mom also had advanced COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder) and needed oxygen to breathe. Her doctors gave her 3-6 months.
My mom was an extraordinarily beautiful person inside and out and was an inspiration to everyone who knew her. For me she was my anchor, my closest friend and protector. She loved life and did not fear death.
Over the past 2 years my mom rallied many times not wanting to miss out on any family gatherings, Holidays or Celebrations. She lived her life to the fullest beating her initial diagnosis. She was given the name Rocky by my brother John and she lived up to it with true Grace and Grit. Over the past 2 years she had hundreds of friends, family and even strangers pulling for her recovery. It was this outpouring of love and support that she believed helped her to stay alive and fight the fight. My mom’s body was riddled with tumors but she refused to slow down or let it get the best of her.
Finally on March 6, 2019 her worn out body retired from this earth plane and she took her place in the heavens becoming our “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”. There is a “Lucy Modrak star located in the Pleiades constellation that was named in her honor.
I was blessed to have many conversations with my mom about her life, her death and how she wanted to be remembered. My mom loved beauty-creating it all around her. She was able to find the beauty in everything and everyone especially animals that had been abused, difficult family and friends that others judged or turned their backs on. She had an uncanny knack of making everyone feel loved and accepted.
In the last years of her life we began discussing her bucket list. My mom loved to travel and there were still many places she had not seen as well as places she loved and would have liked to have revisited. We began planning wonderful visits to “Far Away Places” and this made us both happy and provided a way we could imagine still being together in the distant future.
I mentioned a Viking World cruise that went to 28 countries over 140 days which included Turkey. She became very excited about having her ashes spread all over. Somehow the idea came up that she would like to have her ashes spread in a Turkish Tea Room after she had watched an entire series of Turkish Soap Opera’s.
“The Lucy Modrak Spread the Daisies Project” was born out of these conversations to honor my mom’s wishes. I now understand that it was my mom’s inner wisdom helping me to heal, turning my grief into excitement and an adventure. I also had a way to share it with family and friends so they could also be part of the journey. This was confirmed when I sent photos back to my step dad Joe in April this year. I signed up for a Cross Atlantic Cruise called “writing the waves” and had sprinkled my mom over the Atlantic and parts of Ireland and England. Joe immediately wrote back and said “Beautiful” - your mom always wanted to go to Ireland. He also shared that he had been making his own list of places to spread her ashes. I thought it would be so cool to have a big world map and document all the places she had been scattered.
So with the help of Maren we created a website that would be a forum for me to share all the places my mom is and to post photos and write about it.
One of the most unexpected gifts of my Ireland land trip May 16 - 28th 2019 https://www.charleneray.com/quest-connecting-with-the-spirits-of-ireland where I visited Holy Wells and spent a lot of time in nature was the proliferation of Daisies. My mom loved daisies. At her celebration of life we gave out mini daisy pots for people to grow. Everywhere I went there were daisies and I took this as a sign that she was there with me every step of the way. I decided that I wanted to have a way that others could experience the joy I felt as I scattered my mom along the flowers and countryside. It was not feasible for me to give everyone some of my mom’s ashes.
Thus a second project - Spread the Daisies was born. I found packages of daisy seeds that I could custom print information about the project. The idea is that anyone can scatter the seeds in places they want to remember my mom, or want to add beauty to a place, and they can also take photos and write about their experience on the website. I am also hoping to have a live map where anyone can go on and place a marker where daisies have been planted. I may even do a Facebook page.
The hardest part of losing someone you love is not having them in physical form to share. Most people feel uncomfortable about even mentioning the name of a deceased person.
I found that It is not only the big occasions but the little things as well such as enjoying a freshly baked scone with jam in a cute café or tea room that made me miss my mom. I also learned that the next best thing to having my mom with me in physical form was to have her there with me in my heart and actually having some of her ashes with me so that I could sprinkle part of her wherever I went. I felt close to her and did not feel any sorrow or loss. Love is a feeling that does not die. I was learning a new way of relating to my mom.
My intention is to write about this experience, to share photos and to keep my mom alive in my heart and all those who love “LUCY”. I l look forward to sharing many beautiful places and memories and invite you to follow.